Saturday, November 9, 2013

Music - something I listen to or something that accompanies me?

Those that have readily viewed my blog will possibly have spent a moment or two looking at Fred and George, who form part of my pastoral portfolio paper that I have to complete for my theology degree. They are part of my theological reflection on a placement at the local hospice, but only form a small percentage of my final submission. For alongside them I must also write a piece that is a theological reflection on an aspect of my church placement, which I undertook during the last academic year. So after a year at St Columba's what else could I reflect but music!

Now if you don't know St Columba's Church, Cambridge, then this might seem an odd conclusion, why chose music over some pastoral encounter had at the church door or over coffee? Well, music features heavily in the life of the church, which is at times a blessing whilst at other times a cause of many a headache, especially when trying to craft an act of worship. However, as I have started to read and think about how I might unpack the tensions I came across, I have started to think about my own relationship with music.

I guess I could kinda class myself as a musician, although not a proficient one, and music is a significant part of my life; the CD towers in my room are witness to this. But as I've read about composers such as Bach, Olivier Messiaen and James MacMillan today, along with the views of Schleiermacher, Barth and Bonhoeffer, I've begun to wonder what place music does have in my life. When do I actually sit and listen to music?

As I am writing this, there is music playing, but am I really listening to it or is just accompanying what I am doing? Am I really hearing what the composer and the performers are trying to say through the notation they are causing to resonant out of my speakers? If I'm honest, most of the time the music that resounds around me is a companion. For me to sit and listen without any distraction is rare, especially when it comes to purely instrumental music. And maybe that is why, when my full attention is given to some piece of music, I sometimes find myself slightly disturbed by what I hear, particularly when we get to the eclectic tones of 20th century music. When there are only musical notes and no words, I have to look within the music for something that I wouldn't have to look for if it were a song. I don't have this problem when I'm actually playing the music, maybe because I'm too busy trying to remember the key signature or count so that the rhythm is kinda right; but in playing music I find it easier for the music to become a part of me, because the music is as much about me as the notes on the page. Where when I'm listening, I have to let the music in, I have to let the music take hold of me, as I do when I playing a piece I know well. But just maybe that's what needs to happen; the eclectic tones may then not be so eclectic, and the mystery that they are trying to protray no longer such a mystery. Maybe if I do spend some time actually listening, I'll hear something life changing!

Although it will never stop be a companion!